its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
