So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
In America we eat man semen.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
