YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
