I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
