He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
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The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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