this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
