Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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