hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
