I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
God, I missed his penis.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
