His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
