By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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