mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
