All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he thought i was a dude.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
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my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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