I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me