i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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