it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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