Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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