are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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