Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
