I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
