Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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