Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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