You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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