Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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