i was rollin on her like bob the builder
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
