my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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