I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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