Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
