Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize