do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
