I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I deserve this hangover.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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