Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
