Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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