I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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