they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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