I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
