we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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