After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
