respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
