he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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