You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
