I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
