you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
