Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
