Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
