butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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