operation have a gay friend backfired
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
