I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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