Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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