i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize