Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
