His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize