Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize