We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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