Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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