also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
