at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
