Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
