Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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