Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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