im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
