He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
